mr scientist man

it's been a while again since i wrote.
more has happened this time.
anthony left last wednesday and he's home tomorrow night.
there was a house party on friday night. lots of drink, lots of boys, lots of loudness and music and cigarettes and joints and... just a really good time. it took a while, but i felt like i could relax and have fun and not worry. i ignored anthony all night though, afterall, that's what i seem to have to do if i want to have a good time. pretend anthony doesn't exist.
there was a pretty boy at the party too - whatever the hell his name was. at one point i woke up to find myself wrapped up in a sheepskin rug with some lad with the nickname 'blackie'. he was nice though - he works with children with disabilities.
saturday i slept, sunday i shopped - with noah. we drank our macchiatos and mochas like students and walked around with no weights on our shoulders. i love going to newcastle with noah.
then there's yesterday - last night to be exact. another date with adam, the first in almost two weeks. we went to the old man's pub again and talked. i can’t put my finger on it but there’s something there with me and him. something grown up and proper. it scares me a little bit but then it goes away and i wonder what i’m doing there with him.
i ignored anthony all night long too. he wasn't happy. not happy at all.
i wish i could open my mouth and tell him i'm cheating on him - i'd love to do that just to shut him up and make him fuck off. i know i won't though.
i'm too scared he means what he said "i'll end up doing time if you ever go behind my back"
what can i say?
oops.