neutral love

i know i haven't written much in the last couple of weeks, but i've had some good excuses. i had to go to hospital on the 13th because i was getting excruciating pains in my stomach, and they found a cist near to my fallopian tube they had to remove. 'joe' begged his seargent major for compassion leave as soon as he heard, which i thought was soo sweet. he came to visit me in hospital and i went home the next day after having it removed, not a pleasant experience.
since then i've been catching up on my work, yes i typed that correctly, W-O-R-K. it feels so great to not have to hide from teachers in assembly, or take the long route down main concourse to avoid the staff room. the last two weeks have been quite good for me; i've started being myself more at school too, not just sitting smiling in the corner like i usually do.
when it comes to the issue of me and 'joe', we've taken our relationship a bit further in the last two weeks. i can't remember the first time i said it, but i caught myself saying i love you, then realised that i'd said it before. it's weird. it just felt so natural to say it though that it didn't freak me out.
i like things the way they are right now. we're in love, but neither of us are head over heels, it's just a neutral fondness for each other. if we ended it i'd be sad, but i'd get over it. which means i'm not going to get my heart broken. i like it this way.