thank god for lego

yeah i'm in the schroder suite again. this weekend has been so strange i keep on asking myslef if things actually happened.
on thursday night 'joe' came home and on the friday he pretended to take me to school and we ditched again. it makes me feel so alive when i'm doing something wrong, isn't that a mental condition? we went to his friend's flat and helped them decorate, and i took magic mushrooms for the first time ever.
i could see my hair growing out of my head, and my fingernails growing out of my fingers. it was unlike anything i've ever experienced, but it was like i was hanging over the edge and needed a bigger push to get me over. like the build-up to a climax that never comes.
hours later when it wore off we went to the pictures to see 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'. on the way to 'the gate' in newcastle we had an argument over nothing really, and when he stopped at the traffic lights i walked out of the car. i couldn't stand him saying to me that all i ever thought of was myself, that all that mattered to me was what i wanted. i know that's not true; he's the only person who has ever said that to me. it's not true, is it?
anyway, by the time i walked to the cinema and strutted up the stairs he was waiting for me, out of breath. i liked the film but i was too angry to have appreciated it as much as i'd have liked to.
on saturday we went out with his mother to see another film 'secret window', which i thought was good but they thought was crap. she likes me, i can tell, and not just that fake kind of liking either. we talked for most of the night, pissing 'joe' off.
sunday i went out with my sister, her fiance and his friend to newcastle. i was pissed before i got out of the taxi. i had an amazing time, while 'joe', who had paid £30 and £4 a pint for this 12th birthday at shindig had a shit time.
i went back to my sister's and had a midnight barbeque and 'joe' came later on. i was on MDMA, something i would never normally dream of taking but i was off my head so i can forgive myself.
while we were having sex 'joe' blurted out that loved me. i was a little shocked and fell out of bed onto some of my sister's fiance's kids' toys, kind of extinguishing the question.
i wasn't ready to say anything back, not i love you, but not i don't love you either.
thank god for lego.