sail on silver girl

i'm at school, in the schroder library to be exact, for the first time in about a month. i've been holding back tears all morning, and i don't even know what they're for.
on the way to school this morning we had the radio on, and just as we turned the corner for the school a song came on and i almost burst into tears.
the trouble is, we listened to so many songs when we were together than whenever i hear one i always think immediately of you. and then the tears kick in.
this morning it was bridge over troubled water. i don't even like the song but it reminds me of you because whenever i was sad you used to say "sail on silver girl" and everything would magically become ok again. you haven't said that to me for about six months though, and i haven't been ok for about six months now. whenever i felt like i was slipping all i had to do was remember i had you and i'd be back on my feet again.
our friends have been telling me that you've changed since september; become nasty and mean. you were never like that before, with me. is it self-righteous of me to think that you've changed because we're not together anymore? i used to keep you in order, make sure you got your homework in on time, make sure you didn't act up in classes, make sure you didn't pick on people or offend them. have you changed because i'm not there telling you not to do those things?
i worry about you even though we're not each others' concerns anymore. i worry about your work and your exams and your 'new friends' and your 'dangerous' new lifestyle. when was the last time you worried about me?
you used to be special because you were different to everyone else. your taste in music, the way you dressed, your way of expressing yourself. now it seems like you're a clone of your friends with your New Munky music and Timberlands and your "inits", and "likes". you're a totally different person.
i talked to you last night for the first time in fifty six days (apart from my constant requests for the £12 you owe me). i got that feeling i used to get when we were still together, of butterflies when my phone went off and the grabbing for it to read what you had to say to me. but the things you were saying to me were very different. normal small talk between friends.
to be honest i don't think we'll ever be friends again. i'd like to but if we got any closer than "how was your holiday" i think we'd get caught up in the web we were in after we split up. fuck buddies. that's all we were really after october. we always knew we'd either be lovers or enemies, there's nothing in the middle for you and i.
maybe when we're older and both single we'll meet by chance and fall in love again. until then we'll be the worst of enemies.