i went for a drive with my mum on saturday. i got such a mad dose of deja vu sitting next to her listening to cds that haven't been out of their cases for years.
i remember when just the two of us used to drive down to wales to see my grandparents. i used to love having her all to myself and being able to sit in the front seat instead of my sister or my dad.
i still got that same feeling i got way back then, before adam, before anthony, even before jordan. that feeling where i'd be practically squirming in my seat rehearsing the same sentence over and over in my head.
but it never did come out. never will.
we walked along a beach together and talked about amsterdam. i can't believe i could forget how much she wants me to be happy. she booked my flight for me and she found me somewhere to stay. she even wanted to come with me for the first few days.
i leave on saturday morning.
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