Grey Street

Right now I feel like I can do anything. I can cut my hair and buy expensive clothes and walk out of my job and pack a suitcase and just get on a plane with a one way ticket.

I feel gorgeous and strong, and I don't think I've ever felt like this before.

I'm only seventeen for christ's sake. What do I need money for? What have I got to save for?

A month ago, somehow, I thought I was with the person I'd spend the rest of my life with. Even though I felt so alone. More alone than now, even.

I was struggling to hold myself together everytime he'd carelessly close his eyes and leave me alone lying next to him: another two and a half hours together, lost.

When he'd get up on a saturday morning and go to work, leaving me alone in his parents house. By choice. What was I to think other than that money meant more to him than spending a day with me. And the investment? Of course... And then sometimes sunday too. I wonder now if it wasn't even about the money.

I wouldn't have cared if things had been different. But they weren't. They were the only two days we had together. It made me question myself. Was I mad to want to spend time with my boyfriend?

Clearly.

When he took back sunday it broke my heart. Spending time with me was that painful. And then he told me saturday nights. No wonder I don't seem to spend any more time alone than before.

How would you have felt, reader? Was I just sensitive? Maybe he was just ignorant. I don't think he does know what he's lost.