love and legs

i'm in school preparing for my german listening exam this afternoon. should go well if the practise papers are anything to go by. not that i'm being complacent or anything.

the weekend was yet again a turning point for adam and i. friday was the first time i ever felt good enough for him. we were in the beer garden with his friends, my friends - our friends. they all know each other in some weird way.

i had a jd with lots of ice and a marlboro light in my right hand after an hour long search for change for the cigarette machine. i was sitting on top of one of the tables - my legs were on show - they were pretty sexy that night. it was about midnight and it was getting cold. i watched adam talking to his friends a few metres away from where i sat.

something made me realise that i'm not really such a bad person. i'm not so ugly really. i'm giving him everything he needs. i care for him. a lot. more than i realised i did. he could do a lot worse than me.

we were invited to a party - we both just wanted to go home together though. so we went to his house. tea with marmite on toast. my idea of heaven. i love lying with him. when my head's on the pillow it's like i'm in another world, and then when i sit up i face reality again.

i took him to the salsa club in newcastle and we ate a big plate of nachos. in our dark corner of the room with the orange light glaring in my face we talked. we've started doing that a lot more lately. it makes it feel like a real relationship.

we've been dancing around four letter words. two in particular.

love:
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
Sexual passion.
Sexual intercourse.
A love affair.

fuck:
use your imagination, please.

maybe they need each other to work though. it has to be real for it to happen, right? i don't want to be blunt about it so figure it out. i had to.