bugs 3

in my free in the schroder suite. i'm so stressed about my maths coursework; everyone else seems to have found the general formula and i haven't a clue what i'm doing. nothing seems to fit.
aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i might as well sit here and write this since i'm so crap at everything else.
sometimes i wonder how i'd be doing at school if i hadn't moved here. as fancy and well-equipped this place is it can't make me shit A*s. moving here was supposed to simply reinforce the guarantee that i'd do amazingly well in my gcse years. but what the fuck's happened to me?
i used to get straight As and be picked for all the gifted and talented activities and be awarded and commended in awards evenings and assemblies. now i'm at the bottom of the pile of achievers.
i think it's a motivation thing. i used to do so well because i liked being the best and having everyone look up to me and having the reputation from the teachers as being an 'all-rounder'. i was popular too, like really popular, like one of the most popular people in my year. i was going out with the year's most eligible, sought after boy. there wasn't a thing i wasn't remotely good at (apart from woodwork and that infamous C).
then september came and everything fell apart. i didn't have the same motivation as i did at my old school because none of my teachers or classmates knew my potential. so i stopped filling my full potential until it became mediocre. i've stopped aiming higher. what's the point when no-one expects me to anymore?
ahhhhhh....
i feel better now.
i dreamt about those fucking bugs again. cockroaches, earwigs, worms, beetles. they were everywhere this time, filling the boat and falling over into the river flowing with them. and i try to tell 'joe' but he thinks i'm crazy and tells me to sit down or else the boat will tip over, but what does it matter if it did, we're already swimming in bugs.