Wednesday 7 July 2004

pretty dreams

I’m in chemistry now, starting my evaluation. I’m finally up to date with everything else, which feels great. Everyone reacted the way I thought they would when I came in. “Are you better now? Or were you just sciving?” The only reason I’m better is because I haven’t eaten for 3 days. I can’t keep food down, but I suppose as long as I don’t eat I can’t be sick. I still feel nauseous though.
‘joe’ won’t be home for a few weeks now cos he’s on courses and stuff. He thinks he’ll be drafted for Iraq soon. Great.
I had a dream the other night about my friends noah, isobel and william. We hadn’t seen each other for a long time and decided we would all go out together for a drink.
We ended up going to a nightclub that was actually a run-down cinema, no seats and the screen was torn to pieces.
It was just us there with banging rock music in the background and bottles and bottles of drink. We got hammered and went crazy together dancing like mad animals to eardrum-splitting Nirvana and Guns and Roses and all sorts of other heavy shit.
On the torn screen there were films showing moments we’d all spent together in the past and moments we’d spent alone in need of each other.
As we got more and more drunk the music died down and got quieter and quieter until we were all lying on the floor together looking up at the ceiling.
We talked. We talked about everything, and we were all honest for the first time in ages. We slagged each other off where it was appropriate and apologised for when we were ever in the wrong.
We shared things with each other; things we’d been bottling up for months and even years. We cried, we laughed, and we listened to each other’s stories.
And there was one thing we all had in common. We had all cut ourselves. We all had purple scars on our legs or our arms. We had all experienced the same misery that caused us to mutilate our bodies. It was so strange.
For the record I’ve got no idea if any of my friends have ever cut themselves, or if they’ve ever been close. I think in the dream the cutting was just meant to symbolise our misery when we couldn’t share together, but showing each other our scars showed that we could still share our problems with each other even though we’ve drifted apart over the last year or so.
Maybe it as just another crazy dream though.

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