Wednesday 7 July 2004

everlasting slumber

‘tis me, writing from the schroder suite. i’m in geography doing coursework, sort of, and i’ve just been to see my form tutor for my report reading. my parents are going to have a heart attack when i show them it.
i never used to worry about reports because i always did well, but this year i got my first ever ever ever D, together with a couple of Cs, a few Bs and a couple of As. when i opened it i wasn't even shocked, i knew it was coming anyway.
my mum's going to want to know what's happening to me, and my dad'll probably shout at me about how much he pays for my schooling and how i'm not worth it.
i can't be bothered anymore. i'm going to stop trying all together, i'll just do what's necessary to get by and waste what was my potential.
i just don't have the energy to do anything anymore. sometimes i'll say something and not recognise my voice because i haven't spoken for so long. i don't like chatting to people; it makes me feel tired and like i just want to curl up in a ball and fall asleep.
i love sleep.
i hate waking up.
right now i feel like clearing my desk and putting my head down for a long sleep.
but what i want more than anything is to fall asleep and never wake up again

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