ghb and nipples

i was so tired when i woke up this morning. i can't see why though, i mean i spent practically the whole weekend in bed.

friday was very fun. i went out with noah and tanya again and we did a lot of talking and laughing and relaxing. i feel like i can't do that with anyone else. it's strange. maybe the alcohol plays a factor in it all but then why do i share the most intimate details of my life with noah every other day of the week? i just can't explain it.

i saw a lot of people i knew again. i lost tanya and noah at about midnight, but found adam. i made such a tit out of myself. god knows how many times i was picked up off the floor. god knows how many times my nipples were on show. fucking ghb.

i remember seeing him and grabbing him - while he was in the middle of talking to his friends - and kissing him without even saying a word to him. god, where were my inhibitions that night?
later on i saw anthony's friends martin and julian. we talked and they seemed genuinely concerned about me. julian told me i'd find someone who'd treat me better someday. i smiled carefully and even though i could barely stand i remember thinking to myslef you have absolutely no idea. none of them know the whole story. not one of them.

i looked over at adam then. i introduced them to each other. julian looked at me differently then. i wondered if he was thinking he'd spoken too soon.

when we got home we lay down together in front of the fire. in the morning so many things crossed my mind and i had to think hard to remember exactly what happened with adam before we got into bed - which i don't remember doing.

fuck knows.