always and forever

Eurgggh, my back’s killing and my stomach’s acting like a washing machine on turbo cycle. Cannot be arsed with English and history this afternoon, and I’ve got school pictures sometime soon.

I HATE school pictures. Ever since secondary school my mother has never seen any of my school pictures – I just send them back and say I definitely don’t want one. I did that last year, but my parents ended up going ape shit because they wanted to send a picture of me in my new uniform at my new school to everyone they knew. They probably just wanted to show off.

Anthony’s home tonight, at about tenish. He’s been acting different lately though – no longer ringing me every single spare minute he gets, no mushy text messages. When I talk to him on a night time, he says nothing and leaves me to do all the talking. And then when the conversation runs out he says he’s busy and has to go.

But we never used to run out of conversation. There is always something to talk about – it just needs both parties to make the effort.

And he’s just not.

And I don’t know why.

I can speculate though. A new girl on the scene down there? His mind wandering to the notion of singledom? Or maybe he’s just bored of me, like a repeat of last year and all the drama that came from that. Christ I hope not.
Is my quirkiness no longer quirky? My cuteness no longer cute? Has my pretty smile been erased from his memory?

I guess we’ll find out, as little pieces of me are torn away with every disappointment, every let-down, every broken promise and every lie.

Don’t make me go through that again, Anthony.