warning sign

anthony left on monday night. school on thursday - tomorrow. oh god.
seven pieces of coursework not done, five of which are overdue.
my good friend D is home for a visit this week. we went to newcastle this morning and did the same thing we always do when he's home. we shopped, made fun of people, went to starbucks, went to the laing.
when we were sitting drinking coffee (non-fat decaf, i'm on a diet) he told me the main reason he came back was to make sure i'm ok.
he said he had a dream on saturday night, that we were sitting on a bridge together with our legs hanging over the edge. he said his legs almost touched the ground but mine were miles above the speeding cars below us.
he said we were talking about death and beauty, and he told me i was beautiful. i told him beauty fades away in the end, just like life does. he said i'd always be beautiful, and i said only if time held me here forever. then he said a train came over the bridge and he couldn't hear what i was saying over the noise, but he knew it was intense. i kissed him on the cheek and slid off the bridge.
the way my body hit the road just sounded like a doll being thrown on the ground by a child.
my head burst open like a watermelon.
i smiled over my coffee and said i'm not about to jump of a bridge, D. he said he knows me, he said he knows i'm too dramatic for my own good.
he asked me what i thought i was saying as the train passed by. i told him that we'll never be as beautiful as we are now. everyday another imperfection comes our way and makes us less and less beautiful. i told him beauty can be immortalised. i showed him a picture we'd just taken of ourselves on his phone and told him that if we died right now this was how we'd look forever.
he told me i'm only fifteen. and i'll grow more and more beautiful as i grow up. he said he thinks i've changed; i'm not his little friend anymore, and he doesn't know how to look at me. i told him it's because we've both grown up, and we're both just starting to realise it. he agreed.
he said when he looks in my eyes he nolonger sees excitement and life and love, just emptiness and sadness and big black pupils. he said he's not going to tell me he's worried about me because i'm a big girl now, but that when he comes home next time he wants me to be alive.
i love spending time with D.