fragile

I’m in geography now – should be doing work but I forgot my folder so I can’t.

Anthony left again last night – and I was fine until we were lying together in my bed five minutes before he was supposed to leave. I burst into tears – unable to speak, hardly able to breathe, and he just held me and told me everything would be alright. But he’s lying – nothing’s been right for such a long time now that I can’t see how it could ever be right again.

I had a temperature, so I wrapped up in about four jumpers two pairs of pyjama pants and three pairs of socks, and went out to the car with him. I sat there crying for even longer, still unable to speak. He kept saying that he’d be home in five days, and that’s all very well – but he’ll be leaving me again in another eleven days. No matter how many times he comes home and no matter how long he’d home for – I’ll always be left somehow.

He told me to stop being so weak and be strong for once – but I can’t – I’ve tried and I can’t. He said he loved me and that he’d always take care of me.

“You’re so fragile, Hannah, I’m worried you'll break if I ever do the wrong thing and end up hurting you.”

Why does he keep leaving me then? I can't take much more of being abandoned every Sunday night only to wake up to the cruel reality of aloneness the next morning.