Wednesday 8 September 2004

miss you when you're gone

i haven't spoken to anthony for almost twenty fours hours now. last night we had an argument about the way i think he talks to me - as though everything he says is the law and i must obey or else be punished. i'm sick of being treat like a child.
yeah, fine, whatever if he's six years older than me and thinks he knows best, that still doesn't give him the right to dictate to me what i can and can't do. for every question he asks me there's one correct answer and if i fail to give that he goes crazy.
he's been texting me all day and every message i receive is another guilty hole being drilled into me, leaving me full of holes and drained of energy.
i think this is where it's going to end to be honest. i wish he'd just give up too sometimes. we would have been over a long time ago had he not been so persistent. i shouldn't have to feel this guilty about not feeling...
that's the thing. i don't really feel anything for him. it just feels comfortable to be with him whenever he's home, and that's it really.
i know it's stupid but i had a dream about him last night. i dreamt that he was an evil supervillain, and he kept coming after me. i ran away from him up a spiral staircase, and every step felt like i was lifting a thousand tonne weight. and he flew after me and caught me on the stairs, and punched me and kicked me and threw me around. and then finally he threw me off the stairs, leaving me to plummet towards the ground.
but someone saved me - a superhero. he held me in his arms and vowed to seek revenge upon anthony the evil supervillain.
yeah, i already know it's screwed up and i should probably seek medical help.

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