i am officially a smoker now. how hypocritical of me, after constantly harping on at two different people the effects of smoking on the heart, the lungs, the liver, shit just about everything really.
i don't really care anymore, come on cancer, you're invited to the party in my lungs. lately i've been finding myself searching for symptoms of any kind of illness i can think of. perhaps the painless bruises all over my body are the result of a rare blood disease, or the pains in my chest a side affect of the hole i was born with in my heart. the weird thing is, the more i search for these things, the more i find and the sicker i become. oh how i miss my good friend mr. antibiotics. i'm not on any at the moment, for the first time since christmas.
pain makes everything better. christ, i've never felt this lonely.
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